HEY IT'S BARTLEY

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OK kittens, this is the least grotesque photo of my debacle. Quick heads up: if you see me on the street hobbling w/crutches, for the love of gerd help me out.

OK kittens, this is the least grotesque photo of my debacle. Quick heads up: if you see me on the street hobbling w/crutches, for the love of gerd help me out.

Get a hold of three or four terrific original scripts. You decide which ones. Read them; analyze them if you want, or just let them wash over you. Notice their format: it’s standard in the industry, no exceptions. Then throw away or erase from memory all the books, articles, and lessons that reference or espouse three-act structures, five- and seven-act structures, “inciting events,” “character arcs,” “redemption,” Joseph Campbell’s name, plot graphs and charts, or supposed “tricks of the trade.” Forget the mumbo jumbo and just write the damn script and finish it in 120 pages or less. If you’re sufficiently talented, original, and inspired, nothing else is necessary. If you’re not, nothing else will help. If it turns out that you lack one or all of those elements, write another script. Maybe another. Give up when you can’t take it anymore. The time saved by not reading all those how-to books should be enough to carry you through the first several scripts at least, with time to spare. Sound cruel? Ask any screenwriter.

Tony Bill
nbcsnl:

This has been us the past few weeks. We’re SO FREAKIN’ EXCITED to tell you the news! Our good friends Kristen Wiig and Ben Affleck are returning to host! Check out the dates for the final three SNL’s of the season below:
May 4 – Zach Galifianakis / Of Monsters and Men 
May 11 – Kristen Wiig / Vampire Weekend
May 18 – Ben Affleck / Kanye West

[gif via]

OHMYGERRRDDD

nbcsnl:

This has been us the past few weeks. We’re SO FREAKIN’ EXCITED to tell you the news! Our good friends Kristen Wiig and Ben Affleck are returning to host! Check out the dates for the final three SNL’s of the season below:

  • May 4 – Zach Galifianakis / Of Monsters and Men
  • May 11 – Kristen Wiig / Vampire Weekend
  • May 18 – Ben Affleck / Kanye West

[gif via]

OHMYGERRRDDD

Conversation I Just Had in My Head

Me 1:
I'm really hungry.

Me 2:
Just go get a sandwich at the bakery.

Me 1:
I'm not wearing underwear or a bra. Too lazy to put them on.

Me 2:
30 second walk. No one will know.

Me 1:
I do have frozen vegetables in my freezer.

Me 2:
Get the sandwich.

Me 1:
Or oatmeal. I have oatmeal.

Me 2:
Get the sandwich.

Me 1:
Yeah, I'll just eat some frozen vegetables.

Me 2 strangles Me 1:
GO GET THE F@#KING SANDWICH!!!


I'm going to go get a sandwich. BRB.